Famous Quotes from Buddies

Rob Stephenson Quotes
I don't IM bitches on AOL anymore.
Your PCs bitchness is measured by how big the CPU fan size is.
I don't surf porn anymore.
Nobody will ever know that the Windows I install is not valid.
I don't have any porn on my computer, wait a sec I just found 5+ gigs worth.
How do people without AOL check the weather?
All you know how to use is that f'ing crossbow.
Why don't you use another weapon besides that sniper rifle.
Yo J, I can't figure out why my computer won't boot.
I just did another re-install of Windows.
This golf club is the reason I am slicing the ball into the next fairway, I need bitcher clubs
Just mark me down for a 9 on that hole.
I opened this attachment from some chick on AOL and I cant believe that I got a computer virus.
This chick sent me a pic of herself on AOL, the pic is hot so she MUST be hot. AOL chicks never lie.
Uh..., uh..., uh..., uh..., uh..., FAG.
The more thermal paste the better.
Long Island Ice Teas are for pussies.
I drank twice that many Long Island Ice Teas before and didn't even get a buzz.
You guys don't have enough money to get me drunk.
OH, she wants me!
I'm way too big for anal.
I'd eat the corn out of her shit.
I'd felch her.
You are not using it so you should just give it to me you cheap fucker.
I downloaded a version of Windows XP off of Limewire. I cannot understand why my PC is a SPAMMING drone after installing it.
Barack Obama is not black he is Hawaiian.

Lee Hilliard (aka The HBT) Quotes
Oh man!
I got to go, I have a belly ache.
I can't play Kingpin, its too violent.
I can't stand Kingpin, its the criminal element.
MAN, that f'ing crowbar. (throws keyboard, mouse, and headphones)
I, I, I, I, I, I just can't man.
Does this computer have a modem?
I did not get your message on my cell phone.
I must have fell asleep.
I am the cunnilingus master.
My truck's name is Hilliary.  51% sweetheart and 49% bitch.
I don't want some corporate executive telling me I need to have my headlights on all the time.
I don't want Daytime Running Lamps as I am a energy conservationist.
I always back into my parking spot.

John Kelly Quotes
I am the best <insert all desirable traits> m'fer here.
I'm gonna kick your ass.
You ain't big enough to tell me that.
That chick I met last night was such a freak.
Dude, the chick I am with wants me to do her hot friend at the same time I do her.
You ain't man enough to <whatever trait he deems man enough> do that.
It takes a real man to <whatever trait he deems man enough> do that.

Jason Murley Quotes
Why did it do that? Because it is GAY.
Windows is GAY. (but that is all he uses)
That would be cool.
That would be bitch.
Yo, fagmeat.
I am going to have to see what is going on.
You anal raping ass pirate.
A website is only cool if it uses frames.
Only my websites are bitch, all the rest are GAY.
murley.org is the bitchest website ever.
Rob, I bet you can't find a chick on AOL that will let you shit in her mouth.

Nick Bastean Quotes
Apple is for chicks or fags.
Mac OS X is gay.
It's a magazine not a clip.
I have not had any free time in over a year.

Will Farley Quotes
That's a lot of money.
I can't afford a new tire.
I don't care how it looks. (black ugly steel spare rim).
I think the Redeemer is GAY, especially when you kill me with it.
I don't know. (not looking directly at you)
<insert any day of the week> is not good for me to go out.
I am going to have to see what WE are doing.
I can't make it this week, maybe next month.

Ken Akman (TURK) Quotes
I have never jerked off before in my life.
I don't even touch it when I pee.
That's Mr. Turk to you. (ok, TURK)
Work is a four letter word.
You should pay for me as I don't work.
I don't want to work because I don't know if I would like it.
Did you call me anonymously?
You ought to see what happened to the last guy that called me Turk.
I used to bounce over at Roxy's in Illinois.
None of the girls that worked at Roxy's were prostitutes.
You're such a fag.
Fuck you man, shut the fuck up, you're such a fucking dick. (after you gave him a rash of shit for being unemployed)
Work, yeah right.
What, me work?
This chick off AOL IMd me asking for sex, she was sooo hot. She never showed up.
You need to check out all the great stuff I got at Deal$.
I have hit numerous ton-eighty in darts.
You are such a moron. (but he will call you constantly with stupid questions)
Uh, can I borrow your weed eater?  Why don't you bring it over to me.
I need to borrow your weed eater to cut my ENTIRE lawn.
I need to borrow your lawnmower, mine won't start.
I tell the airport that I have been living in Michigan for the last year.  That should get me all the money I want for my house.
I can get $14,000 for my 1994 base Grand Am.
Can you give me a lift to the store, my car is not running?
I fucked for eight hours straight.
I worked security for the Von Erichs.
I told one of the Von Erich brothers to quit bleeding on my seat or I was going to get mad.
My name is Michael.
But you have a job......
Quit calling me TURK, I got rid of them damn license plates.
Oh Krystal says she hates me.  (tells anyone who will listen)
Remember that one call I got six months ago?  Do you remember that number?
I got an anonymous call on my caller ID, was that you? (calls everyone he ever met)
My house is worth $275,000. (it is a shit hole)
My Buick Regal is worth $1500.
I never intended to drag this airport buyout thing this long.
I screen my calls, I got people looking for me.
I am a very important person.
You should listen to me as I know what I am talking about when it comes to finance.
I only cut my grass when the City of Bridgeton puts a note in my yard.
I just got off the phone with Jim Talent, he said he would get me all the money I wanted for my house.
I played craps with Mike Talanya, we go way back.
I can get high speed internet for $14.95 a month, but I will stick with dialup.
Why did Boeing stock go down $0.12 today?
You told me that Formula One cars are longer than Indy cars. (Even though I don't watch racing or give a shit)
NASCAR is a sport because you can tailgate at it.
I am J.V. Lotus of Von Erich Security Systems.
I just got off the phone with <some political office>.
I figure if I told the airport I was in Michigan visiting family they would give me more money for my house.
I want $5000 for my 1994 POS Honda motorcycle.
I'd let her shit in my mouth.
What's it to ya?
Don't worry bout it.
.22 caliber bullets will just bounce around inside of you, my ex-wife had it happen to her.